He wasn’t dying. That is, he wasn’t dying as quickly as everyone expected. Dying slowly was one thing; dying alone was another. She hated the thought that he had to endure both.
She pulled up a chair next to his hospital bed and reached across the flimsy white sheet for his bony hand. His body twitched. The muscles in his face contorted rhythmically, expressing smiles and pain intermittently. She didn’t know if the morphine was the cause or if he was comforted and tormented by eighty-four years of memories.
She hadn’t been able to ignore him for many of those years. How could she? She could see his house from her bedroom, kitchen and laundry room. His back porch light traveled easily across her one-acre property, especially piercing in the dark of winter leaving an illuminated trail in the snow between the two houses.
He once stood tall and strong among Chicago’s finest as the Cook County Sheriff’s right hand man. He saw it all – all except the stars at night. That’s why, when he retired over two decades ago, he moved a few hours north with his wife. He had grown indifferent to the red and blue lights that once gave him excitement
and tired of the orange glow that polluted his view to the stars. He built his dream house at the end of a cul-de-sac and in the middle of her view.
Then ten years ago, life played an unkind trick on him. Without permission it left the beautiful, green eyes of his beloved of nearly fifty years and made him throw cold dirt on her casket and their dreams. After he left the cemetery that day, he went home and locked the door.
He hated company. That’s what he wanted everyone to believe. He never allowed the neighbors in through his front door. But somehow she was able to sneak through the cracks of his suspiciousness and the peephole of his hope for humanity.
Every Christmas she left him a small bag of cookies and a book about Jesus. He liked the cookies. She found out he had a sweet tooth and didn’t mind a banana bread every so often. When walking became difficult he felt comfortable asking her for rides to the doctor, the grocery store, the bank. Then he fell. Soon he fell more often and eventually grew too weak to get back up on his own.
When his porch light stayed on that winter night and knocked on her kitchen window, she knew he had fallen.
Seconds dripped from the wall clock of the hospital room into her ears and heart. They were slower seconds than the ones at home. There, the hours filled with chores flew by in no time. Here, these seconds seemed limited, finite, drawn out and begging to be filled with one more opportunity for speaking and hearing the things that mattered most. She was thankful for every inconvenient moment in the past. Those moments now fueled these seconds with meaning. Love, not unlike dying, takes time.
She held his hand and prayed out loud,
who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name;
thy kingdom come;
thy will be done
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread;
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us;
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
He was unable to speak but squeezed her hand one last time.
“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
a time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
a time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to break down, and a time to build up;
a time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
a time to tear, and a time to sew;
a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
a time to love, and a time to hate;
a time for war, and a time for peace.”
(Heidi Viars, 2020)
Only a couple of weeks ago my cell phone rang. “Hey mom, the ring is ready to be picked up. Can you get it?” He had ordered the ring from a good jeweler close to home, even though he had moved.
Today, he would meet me half-way for breakfast exchanging the ring for a cup of coffee.
Here, still in the early morning and a few hours from breakfast, I sat alone with God at the dining room table. When I pulled the ring out to look at it one more time, I felt the deep need to pray.
I turned the smooth, white-gold ring in my hand and looked at it from every angle. I noticed its perfect condition. Nothing had tarnished it. No scratches. No bumps. No gouges. Gold is beautiful.
I felt tears coming up and closed my eyes. Holding the band in my hand I prayed. Thirty-one years of experience fueled my prayers and requests. I knew God would be there to see them through their highs and lows, laughter and tears and every bump and scratch.
p.s. When I looked at the picture after posting it, I noticed where the bottom corner of the box was sitting, “A prudent wife is from the Lord”. I had no intentions of making a point in that way. I suppose we never go wrong putting our hope on God’s Word.
“Lord, you make me smile in my tears.”
Some choices come easy. Those that do, usually don’t qualify as obedience.
I don’t fish. I’d be hard-pressed if you asked me to set a fishing pole. When I came across this sign on my walk, I chuckled and said to myself,
“I can do that!”
I had no problem obeying. Digging through six inches of fresh snow and several inches of ice and wait in the cold for a bite does not sound like a merry pastime to me. (I know some of you are avid ice-fishermen. Sorry, for you the analogy has just broken down.)
Obedience involves deliberate thought and effort. It is usually inconvenient, hard, annoying and scary. Our adoption worker told us something five years ago. Her words still come back to me.
“If adoption was easy, everybody would be doing it!”
Following Jesus into any calling is more than not doing something. Christian obedience is costly. Submitting to Christ means to follow Him, often into uncomfortable situations, many times seemingly impossible circumstances.
However, Jesus has promised to be with us. He told us He’d leave us a Helper who would not abandon us to the insurmountable. For the follower of Christ, the Holy Spirit is never more than a breath away. He lives in us.
“If you love me, keep my commands. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.”
The sign wasn’t suppose to be there. I had other plans for the nail that holds it now. But each time I look at it, I remember the story and the goodness of God and smile.
We were at Bible Study around Christmas time several years ago. I had posed a question about our true motives behind the gifts we desire. After we took turns and shared, we came to the conclusion that it’s rarely the thing we want, but that the wishes for material possessions often hide our true heart’s cry.
One woman shared how she had always wanted metal measuring cups. However, Christmas after Christmas and birthday after birthday passed without receiving the simple gift. She shared with the group that it really wasn’t about the cups but about her deep desire to be heard.
After our study I ran a few errands. I had made plans to buy a clock for my kitchen.
Strolling through the household isle at the store, I came across the perfect clock. I had just enough cash. I grabbed it and headed toward the checkout. Suddenly I remembered my friend and the metal measuring cups.
I found them. I really wanted to bless her but realized quickly that I only had enough money for either the clock or the measuring cups. I decided against the clock, put it back in its place and picked up the cups instead, even though I had already pounded a nail in my kitchen wall for it.
Still in the parking lot of the store, I texted my friend to see if she was home. She was. She greeted me at her front door and opened her present; She was overwhelmed and said, “Crazy, I am making banana bread at this very moment!” We hugged and I headed home.
Back in my car, happy about my decision, my cell phone rang. It was another friend from Bible study. She told me that she had something for me. She didn’t say anything else except that she had made it herself. It “just so happened” that I was in the area and told her I would stop by for a quick visit.
When I walked into her home, she was excited and showed me the craft she had made for me: A pickle-board sign, matching the color of my kitchen walls. I couldn’t believe it. I told her I already had a nail in the wall where it needed to be hung. She had no idea what had just happened.
The words on the sign penetrated deeply that day and still strike me today. They are a great reminder of God’s kindness to me … and … that the time really doesn’t matter when you plan on doing something kind.
“Thus says the Lord of hosts, Render true judgments,
show kindness and mercy to one another”
(Pictures and devotional, Heidi Viars, 2020)
I just returned from a mission trip to India (or at least that’s where I think I went).
Here is what happened …
The scammers have been getting more sophisticated about tricking me to pick up the phone. When they call, my phone now regularly shows numbers of cell phones in my area.
My kids sometimes use their friends’ phones when their own phones are dead. I don’t like to ignore my kids, so I pick up when these numbers show up on an incoming call.
Today, I hesitantly picked up the phone knowing it could be another warranty on my car expiring, or worse, the IRS being after me.
The clicks gave it away. I listened carefully to the voice on the other end and calmed my spirit.
I tried to be as gentle as I could.
“No, I am not responding to your offer, but want to ask you if you know Jesus.” I said.
“Pardon, ma’am?” a man with an Indian accent replied.
“I know you don’t like what you are doing. God sees you and doesn’t like that you are taking money from people either. Would you lie like this to your mother or your sister? You would not like it if someone did this to them. Get out of this business and seek God! I am praying for you to find the Light.” I was still calm.
“You are right. I don’t want to be here!” the man’s voice sounded like he was looking over his shoulder.
Then he said it,
“Please pray for me!”
“What is your name? And don’t tell me it’s John!” I laughed.
“No, it’s not John.” He chuckled, but hesitated to say anything else.
“Never mind. Don’t tell me your name. God knows you well. I am going to pray now … if that is ok with you!”
“Yes, please, pray for me. I want to get out of this business. Please pray.” His voice was quiet.
I told him that God would provide for him if he was going to seek him.
Then I prayed for him. He stayed on the line until I finished begging God to make His Light, the Light of Life, known to this man who was walking in darkness. Then “John” thanked me – over and over.
If by any chance you are heading to India anytime soon, and if you talk to “John”, let him know I am still praying for him.
“but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy,
always being prepared to make a defense to anyone
who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you;
yet do it with gentleness and respect”
1 Peter 3:15
(Devo and Pictures by Heidi Viars, 2020)
A recent post by Mitch Teemley titled
made me think … a lot. I then remembered two prayers my husband prayed some time ago. He has prayed many times and many prayers, but I will never forget these two prayers as long as I live.
The first one he prayed several years ago. It was late at night. We had just pulled into our driveway after a long and hard day. We were alone and walked up the dark walkway to the house. He stopped for a moment, looked up into the starlit sky, took a deep breath and said,
“Lord, if you are not coming with us, we are going to die!”
It was as if the universe at that moment inhaled his words. I know I did. He wasn’t melodramatic or exaggerating. Those words portrayed our dire need and his confidence in our Living Hope. I knew he was right. I found great faith in that one statement, spoken in that moment. Those words were a reminder that we don’t need polished language to convey our need to an omniscient God. It is the awareness of our neediness that lays a necessary foundation for our communication.
The second prayer came out of a similar, but even bigger need. We were in the ICU room of our son. He was in an induced coma and on a ventilator after a serious accident which left him with three chest tubes and an inability to breathe. My husband got on his knees next to the bed and prayed out loud,
“Lord, he is yours. We will love you no matter what your plans are for our son!”
Our son needed breath. We did too, though a different kind. When my husband prayed that day, next to the hospital bed, God infused our souls with truth, confidence and faith. Words which came out of a desperate need brought the knowledge of who was in charge of filling it.
If you find yourself in need of a fresh breath of God, if your circumstances are dire, if you feel far away from God, try telling Him your need in the next breath you take. Then, just as you take the next one, remind your soul of who God IS. Then do it again … and again … and again.
The Spirit of God has made me,
and the breath of the Almighty gives me life.
To this ONE WORD I want to cleave
It is the Word “ABIDE”
My foolish ways I want to leave;
In Jesus want to hide.
But I must know the Devil’s lies;
They say “Trapped!” not “Abiding”
There in the upside-down he tries
To turn “Leave” to “backsliding”.