Wings of the Dawn

While finishing my quiet time, I asked (no, begged) the Lord to let me know His presence. I was like a little girl in the store asking her daddy to please let her pick up a piece of candy on the way out. I longed for an assurance of His nearness with every fiber of my being. Some time later, while I was taking a shower, I was still praying for it. Then God answered in a way I had not expected.

While the water was pouring over my head, I was suddenly overwhelmed with a downpour of guilt. I was recalling sinful times from my past and when I looked down at my self, I felt ashamed of my body and the weight I had gained because I let my flesh be in charge. “How could anyone love a person like that?”I was trying to let this feeling of disgust wash away, but it stuck to my heart like the water droplets were trying to stick to my body. I hung my head as tears and water rushed down the drain.

But then, when I grabbed for my towel, a beautiful assurance took hold of me. It was as if Jesus was handing me the towel. He was making His divine presence known.

Earlier, I read in Matthew 22 about a man at a wedding banquet who didn’t want to wear the garments provided for the feast. He hadn’t taken the Master seriously when confronted with his condition and his dire need to wear something other than his old clothes. The Master kindly made provisions for all who attended to look presentable. This man didn’t think he needed it. As a result he found himself in the outer darkness with hands and feet bound, unable to do anything further.

Coming to God is costly; it was in the Old Testament, and it still is today. There is only one way to come to Him, in humility, knowing of our unworthiness, and covered in the means He provides. There is no other way.

Clothed in the blood of Jesus and His sacrifice, in the freedom of a forgiven conscience, we can boldly approach a Holy God, who is willing and able to show us His loving presence. In that assurance we can stand strong, even when our own flesh (or the enemy) tries to condemn us.

“He entered once for all into the holy places, not by means of the blood of goats and calves but by means of his own blood, thus securing an eternal redemption. For if the blood of goats and bulls, and the sprinkling of defiled persons with the ashes of a heifer, sanctifyfor the purification of the flesh, how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to God, purify ourconscience from dead works to serve the living God.”
Hebrews 9:11-14

It’s been (and still is) a long, cold winter here in Wisconsin. The grass disappeared what seems like a decade ago and has been covered since with ice, snow, more ice and more snow. I love going on walks but the weather has dampened my enthusiasm quite a bit. This morning however, I went out with the dog and the steadfast mind of a mailman. Yes, “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.” I thought to my self.

I had walked confidently for about five minutes when I turned the corner. Suddenly, a blast of icy snow pelted me in the face. I pulled my hat tighter over my ears and wrapped the scarf around my mouth. The whistling freeze tried to crawl into every open crevice of the layers of my clothes. My determination to walk three miles was quickly replaced by visions of me with a cup of hot tea on my couch.

At the very moment of wanting to abandon my “rounds”, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I read the text on my screen,

“I don’t negotiate!”

The text came from my friend. I smiled, knowing what she was saying. Her husband recently had a bad accident. While extremely blessed, he still has to deal with four broken ribs and a bruised lung. She explained to me that even though it is hard, and her husband is tired of the breathing exercises, she is staying strong, not negotiating and encouraging him to do them.

As I looked down the road, facing this harsh wind, I was reminded how quickly I negotiate with myself. I make up excuses why a thing that is hard is not worth the fight. I want to give into my weak body, not allowing for something to produce a greater outcome later.

“I don’t negotiate!” 

Was this walk really that difficult, or was my imagination of comfort motivating me? I knew if I kept walking, for another mile and a half, I could turn around and have the wind in my back. It would feel only like a breeze then. … and it did.

“For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit,
and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh,
for these are opposed to each other,
to keep you from doing the things you want to do.”
Galatians 5:17

“Lord, show me when I negotiate with myself and give into the weakness of my flesh. Keep me focused on the goal and the good that comes from persevering in my trials. Sustain me with your encouragement from your Word. Lead me with your Spirit and expose the lies I believe about myself, others, my circumstances, and more importantly about you.” 

(Pictures and Devotional by Heidi Viars, 2019)

Communion

She wrapped her right thumb and pointer finger around the tiny, clear communion cup and cradled her left hand around it all. She stared into the dark grape juice.
The music played softly in the background while the ushers served communion to the congregation.
She could see the light of the sanctuary reflecting in the liquid circle in her hand. Her breaths were shallow while she tried to quiet her heart and soul. She thought of the disciples and wondered what they must have thought when Jesus handed them a cup of wine to pass and when He spoke of things they couldn’t quite comprehend yet.

While she looked down into the cup, she noticed consistent vibrations in the juice. Had she moved and caused the liquid to be stirred? Could the music have caused resonance?

She placed the cup on her Bible on the seat next to her. Nothing. The liquid didn’t move. She picked it back up. With the cup securely in her hand, her thumb pressing around it and her other hand steadily holding on to hand and cup, the liquid rhythmically pulsated once more.

In an instant it became clear to her. It was her own pulse from her thumb pushing through the cup into the dark, red liquid. No doubt, she saw her own heartbeat pulsating in the communion cup.

Before she lifted the cup to drink it, she silently thanked God for making a way for her to see it. She thanked Him for allowing her a small glimpse into this mystery that allowed her own heart to hide in His, to see herself as a part of this covenant that God made with His people. In that moment, when she saw part of herself in the cup, she knew again how much she was loved.

“God, I am forever grateful to You that my heart can beat for You.
You made a way for me through the blood of Your Son, Jesus Christ. 
Thank You!”

…And likewise the cup after they had eaten, saying,
“This cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood.
Luke 22:20

That I’m in you and you in me
This is a profound mystery.
You died my death – your blood you shed.
I made alive while you were dead.

How can a mind like mine conceive
Why thrones and kingdoms you would leave
To make a wayward heart like mine
A temple and a holy shrine?
~
(Poetry and Essay by Heidi Viars, 2019)