Showers of Guilt

While finishing my quiet time, I asked (no, begged) the Lord to let me know His presence. I was like a little girl in the store asking her daddy to please let her pick up a piece of candy on the way out. I longed for an assurance of His nearness with every fiber of my being. Some time later, while I was taking a shower, I was still praying for it. Then God answered in a way I had not expected.

While the water was pouring over my head, I was suddenly overwhelmed with a downpour of guilt. I was recalling sinful times from my past and when I looked down at my self, I felt ashamed of my body and the weight I had gained because I let my flesh be in charge. “How could anyone love a person like that?”I was trying to let this feeling of disgust wash away, but it stuck to my heart like the water droplets were trying to stick to my body. I hung my head as tears and water rushed down the drain.

But then, when I grabbed for my towel, a beautiful assurance took hold of me. It was as if Jesus was handing me the towel. He was making His divine presence known.

Earlier, I read in Matthew 22 about a man at a wedding banquet who didn’t want to wear the garments provided for the feast. He hadn’t taken the Master seriously when confronted with his condition and his dire need to wear something other than his old clothes. The Master kindly made provisions for all who attended to look presentable. This man didn’t think he needed it. As a result he found himself in the outer darkness with hands and feet bound, unable to do anything further.

Coming to God is costly; it was in the Old Testament, and it still is today. There is only one way to come to Him, in humility, knowing of our unworthiness, and covered in the means He provides. There is no other way.

Clothed in the blood of Jesus and His sacrifice, in the freedom of a forgiven conscience, we can boldly approach a Holy God, who is willing and able to show us His loving presence. In that assurance we can stand strong, even when our own flesh (or the enemy) tries to condemn us.

“He entered once for all into the holy places, not by means of the blood of goats and calves but by means of his own blood, thus securing an eternal redemption. For if the blood of goats and bulls, and the sprinkling of defiled persons with the ashes of a heifer, sanctifyfor the purification of the flesh, how much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without blemish to God, purify ourconscience from dead works to serve the living God.”
Hebrews 9:11-14

8 responses to “Showers of Guilt”

  1. Oh yes, Heidi! Praise God for his garments of salvation and robe of righteousness (Isaiah 61:10)! Such beautiful imagery–Jesus handing you the towel and thereby making his divine presence known. I’m with Kathy, above: I may never look at a towel the same way again!


  2. Love how God shows you things in everyday circumstances. That’s because you are always looking for him in all things. He will always show up when you have an open heart like you do.


    1. Thank you, Mary, for reading. I have learned the looking from you and Bill!


      1. Like Mary, I too glean so much from how you see Him throughout your day ! Thank you for your vulnerability and honesty before Him and us. You are a blessing . . .one of His special vessels.


  3. I love your ability to communicate powerful images through your writing. I too have begged to experience God’s Presence as showers of guilt threatened to overwhelm me. As I read about your experience in the shower, I also felt the smothering darkness of dispair . . . until Jesus handed you the towel. I will never look at a towel the same again! (Thank you, dear Heidi!)


    1. So grateful for you and your encouragement on this journey. Thank you, friend!!! Sending much love your way 🙂


  4. Yes, in the freedom of forgiveness. Wonderful post, Heidi.


    1. I am so grateful I can come to God the way I am … and that He doesn’t leave me that way. Thank you for stopping in and for reading, dear friend 🙂


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