Heidi Viars

I saw Him in a room. He sat on the ground with his legs crossed with downward eyes. When I passed, he lifted his head and noticed me. His warm eyes drew me in with a silent kindness. Then he slowly rose to his feet. His eyes were still fixed on me with gentle persistence.

I stood still, able only to focus on Him.

As he stood a distance away, I sensed something I had never before experienced. His gentle gaze turned to knowing. His piercing eyes suddenly knew everything about me. I felt unable to keep anything hidden, feeling exposed and embarrassed. Who I was and what made me, all the things I had done and had failed to do, he knew it all. My soul felt fragile and transparent, like a glass container. My heart filled with fear and dread.

I wanted to hide, look away, but there was no escaping his eyes. He was drawing me in. Wordlessly he invited me to come near, desiring my presence.

Reluctantly, I drew closer. I was not able to withstand his unspoken request. All of a sudden the uneasiness of my exposure disappeared. Instead, a deep sensation of an unfamiliar love poured over me, a kinder, deeper, and more fulfilling love than I had ever known before. It was a love made of many loves, a lover’s love, a friend’s love, a father’s love, and so much more. This love slowly soaked into the crevices of my whole person. I closed my eyes and wanted to stay here, forever with him. It was as if I was made for this. Forgiveness.

I didn’t want to open my eyes. Slowly, the surroundings of my room came into focus. Nothing of me wanted to wake up from this. All of me waned to go back. I tried to hang on to the love in my heart – and his eyes. But like a pail of water poured into the sand on a beach, so dissipated that love into the ground of the dream. And like tiny droplets of water clinging to the inside of the pail, His forgiveness clung to my heart.

“God and Father of our Lord, Jesus Christ,
You gave Your Son,
so that we would not have to come and stand before You exposed.
We long for love to be real in us.
In Your mercy show us glimpses of this love today.
LORD, we need You to pour love into our hearts so we can love others.
All love pours from Your heart into ours.
Fill us today with kindness, compassion,
gentleness, goodness, and mercy –
And mostly forgiveness. 
Renew our minds today
and make our love to look more like Christ’s each day,
Who loved You first and then loved others.” 

But, as it is written, “What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him”—
1 Corinthians 2:9