Ventilator Faith

2012 august early (13)

As I sat and watched the ventilator breathe for my son Corey, I felt questions about my faith emerge. Fear mingled with doubt and became a poisonous concoction injecting itself into my mind. While people had regularly commended me for my faith going through this ordeal, here sitting in my son’s ICU room in the middle of the night, my heart was weary. Doubt in my own ability to maintain my faith dripped slowly into to core of my being.

I prayed. “God, give me faith!”

I watched the ventilator carefully. Thin red and yellow lines continued in a rhythmic pattern across the screen. Red lines indicated the breaths the machine took for my son. Yellow lines showed his own breaths. The pulmonologist had explained to me that the machine was not only breathing for Corey, but was also infusing his own breaths. If at any point Corey would stop breathing, the ventilator would take over, never leaving him without oxygen.  In order to be taken off the ventilator, yellow lines needed to replace the red ones permanently. He needed to “breathe over the ventilator”. I looked intently at the screen, trying to catch even the tiniest glimpse of the healing process of my son’s lungs.

I felt the Spirit move in my heart. Maybe, I was in need of “ventilator faith”. My ordinary life, with all its provisions does not usually require deep faith. I breathe through life, taking many things for granted. However, on occasion my faith gets tested. In my struggle, I become utterly dependent on God to provide even the smallest faith-breaths. As the author and perfecter of my faith, Jesus is the One who is faithful. He never leaves nor forsakes me. Like a ventilator, He grows me stronger with each breath as He Himself infuses it with His power. I have but to be still, cease striving and know that He is God. He loves me and restores my life and faith. In all my doubts and fears, in times when faith, like breath, is hard to come by, He is utterly faithful. He makes me whole as He breathes His faith into my life. I continue to grow stronger- from breath to breath and faith to faith. Each trial is designed to grow me in perseverance, steadfastness and faith.

“God, give me ventilator-faith!
Help me rely on you when I can’t rely on myself.
Help me to see that you are the ONE giving me
Life and Breath
and everything else,
in Jesus Christ.”

2012 august early (6)For in it the righteousness of God is revealed
from faith to faith;
as it is written,
But the righteous man shall live by faith.”
Romans 1:17 (ESV)

~
(Devotional and Pictures, Heidi Viars, 2014)
~

 

About Heidi Viars

“If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end; if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth ...” ― C.S. Lewis ..... In my pursuit of self, I found utter darkness. In my pursuit of truth, I found Jesus, who dispelled the darkness by His forgiveness. Now I follow Him and try to understand Him better. I am a wife, mother of 6, blogger and love taking photographs of sunrises.
This entry was posted in Christian Poetry, Devotional, Sunrises - Pictures and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to Ventilator Faith

  1. Terri Nida says:

    Heidi – what a beautiful analogy. I was also on a ventilator for over a month after my neck was broken and I lay in the ICU. As a family member, I can’t imagine how difficult it is to watch your child go through this. I admire your strength and your perseverance. And I had never read the verse you quoted in Romans and the ESV. I’m going to have to start reading that version are often. Thanks for your courage in writing this.

  2. mnicholszero says:

    I’m praying for you. I know it’s been 13 days since you posted this, but reading it has broken my heart. I lost my grandfather not long before you posted this, and I’ve felt like my faith has been on ventilator sometimes through this figuring out of where we go from here. I don’t have much to say other than that you are SO not alone, and that our God is faithful. Thank you for helping me to remember that I’m not alone, either. 🙂

    • Heidi Viars says:

      Thank you, Michael! Your comment means much to me and so do your prayers! I am so sorry to hear about your grandfather. I will be praying for you as well. A close friend commented the other day about this post saying that she thinks we never get taken off the “ventilator” until we get to heaven. While here, we trust in Him to gives us life and breath and everything else. Thanks again for reading and blessing me with your comment. It came at a time I needed to hear it! Blessings to you, blogging friend!

  3. sf says:

    I will be praying your you and your son, Heidi. My sis works as an RN in the cardio-thoracic wing, so she’s always got ventilator patients. She always tells me about the ones who’ve been out (no communication whatsoever) and those who are awake and aware, but can’t move anything, except look at you. Then those who can speak through their traches attachments. It’s always sad for me to hear about them. I’ve never been in that situation of sitting with a close family member in the hospital on a ventilator machine, so I can’t even say that I understand what your going through. But your post here has really sorta “prepared” me for it, should that day possibly come. Thanks for this post during your trying time and your deep faith time. May God bless you as your sit by your son and wait.

    • Heidi Viars says:

      Thank you so much for those prayers, dear blogging friend. We are home with our son. He still has one chest tube. Hopefully that will be removed tomorrow! God has been there for us all the way. He is so good, not because He gives what we desire, but because He can’t be anything else. He is always good, no matter the outcome. God’s blessings to you!

  4. Debbie says:

    I gasped as I realized that He does for us what the ventilator did for Corey! Oh thank you for showing us that and giving us a beautiful prayer to pray too. I am asking for ventilator faith tomorrow as my. Momma faces emergency heart surgery! God bless you!

    • Heidi Viars says:

      Dearest Debbie, I am praying for your mom tomorrow. I am heading out early in the morning to spend time with the Lord in the woods … I will be lifting her up!!! Let me know how it goes. Yes, I will be paying for ventilator faith for both of you! Love you, dearest!

    • Heidi Viars says:

      make sure you click on the link above (below the post) … it’s my most favorite song these days! I’m singing it even in my sleep 🙂

      • Debbie says:

        I love that song too, Heidi!!! What a perfect one to carry in our hearts! Thank you for all the blessings. I feel good to go now! 🙂

        • Heidi Viars says:

          How are you doing? How is your mom doing? Know I think about you all the time!

          • Debbie says:

            We are doing wonderfully! :). Momma is home and feeling good . . .isn’t that amazing? I love what you said in another reply, that God is good all the time, no matter what happens. So true. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. . . .thanking Him for you and your son and family.

            • Heidi Viars says:

              sending you much love, dearest Debbie … I told someone today how grateful I am for the time I got to spent with my son. He is heading off to college next year and here I was able to spent a solid two weeks next to him. I spent two weeks away from home by his bedside, an experience I do not want to trade for the world. He is my firstborn and God gave him to me when I committed my life to Christ after a time of utter darkness. (my husband and I had tried for 8 years to have children, but never did until we were saved) I always thought knew that our children are not ours but are God’s. This event had me think about that again. My husband knelt next to his bed in the ICU and begged God not to take him, but then also said “Your will be done!”… the hardest prayer we ever prayed.
              A friend said to me, “We pray in surrender and pray in hope!” … something I will not easily forget.

              God is good. That’s not just cliche. It’s the truth.
              While we face many trials of various kinds, we know this for sure… “God is utterly faithful and good!” What He decides can be trusted. What He said in His Word is true and stands for all eternity.

              Thanks for all you do for Him, for pointing others to His Truth and being that bright beacon in your world. Take care of your Momma 🙂 What a blessing … yes, it’s amazing … Love you, friend

  5. Such a beautiful analogy Heidi … such strength and inspiration shared through such a trialling time. May the Lord continue to bless you and your loved ones within sufficient faith and comfort daily, as only He can do xxx

  6. Nancy Ruegg says:

    I have lived on ventilator-faith, too. I just didn’t know that’s what it was! You’ve created a perfect analogy from your experience, Heidi, which will undoubtedly help others who face difficult, uncertain circumstances. Beautiful!

    • Heidi Viars says:

      Dearest Nancy, thank you for reading and commenting. Praise God “who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2 Corinthians 1:4 … sending you much love, dear blogging friend!

  7. I am sure I have said it many times in the Counseling Room, “There are seasons in life where we must live one breath at a time!” Your analogy really hits home in so many ways. Hoping your son has continued to improve and home? Praising God today for life and breath and His Presence continuing to be your strength!

    • Heidi Viars says:

      You are so right, there are indeed days (and even seasons) where we live moment by moment and day by day … a valuable lesson I learned through all of this. Thanks for your concern and heart…

  8. Steve Rebus says:

    Awwww Heidi what a beautiful post during trying circumstances. This post has blessed me today as i continue to pray for you all. Stunning photos too! Take care and God bless. 🙂

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